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None of us gets up one morning with the intention of having to tell our subordinates that their performance is not up to par, that they are the kind of person that irritates all members of the group, or that their position no longer exists in the company. However, by trying to avoid this, we simply make matters worse because of the failure to resolve an issue, the decline in morale, and the erosion of trust that happens in a silent way. A conflict with employees will always happen no matter what because being able to handle conflict is one of the key elements of being a leader.
The complete guide to managing this process will help you to learn how to conduct yourself during this conversation.
Why Managers Avoid Difficult Conversations (And Why That Backfires)
WORKPLACE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
According to research by Bravely, 70% of workers often shy away from difficult discussions in the workplace hoping the matter would solve itself. But for managers, it becomes even more costly. Not handling your employees the right way at the right time leads to serious structural issues where bad habits become normalized, underperformers affect the team's performance, and top-performers distrust the manager.
The truth is that it’s not about the discussion; it’s about the response you will make. With proper execution, it builds trust, sets up the target and allows the employee to develop.
Common Types of Difficult Conversations with Employees
Employee Performance Conversations
Employee performance conversations are the most frequent and critical type of discussions a manager will have with his employees. It is not an issue of shaming, but rather one of revealing gaps, getting at root causes, and co-creating a path forward.
In the case of discussions about performance, be sure to be very concrete and factual. Stick to facts, not perceptions, about incidents, production levels, or lack thereof, and other missed marks. Is the issue lack of understanding of the correct procedures, lack of interest in performing the task, role ambiguity, or lack of awareness of issues?
When the pattern of employee performance discussions continues without any improvement, it may be time to consider if the position is right for the employee and discuss future possibilities.
When the pattern of employee performance evaluations continues without any improvement, it may be time to consider if the position is right for the employee and discuss future possibilities.
Difficult Conversations with Employees About Attitude
Of all the challenging discussions managers face, difficult conversations with employees about attitude tend to be the most dreaded. Attitude is personal. It feels subjective. Worsts, it can spoil the relationship forever.
It is important to focus on observable and tangible behaviors while having difficult discussions on attitude with individuals.
Instead of saying, “You have a negative attitude,” say, “During our last two team meetings, you sighed loudly whenever anyone was sharing their thoughts, and left the meeting early before the discussions concluded.”
Difficult discussions on attitudes with employees need true curiosity as well. There is always some reason behind negative behavior. This could be because of exhaustion, dissatisfaction with management, personal problems, or feeling unappreciated. Make sure to inquire into the real cause before judging.
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Book a Capability ConsultationHow to Address Difficult Employees Who Resist Feedback
Certain staff members are always disinterested, negative when coached, or distracted when feedback is being given to them. Dealing with challenging staff members in such scenarios demands both strength and compassion. Knowing how to have a difficult conversations with an employees who resists feedback demands both strength and compassion. You cannot shy away, but you also cannot make it a confrontation.
Be direct about the impact. Difficult employee behaviour issues don’t just affect the individual; they ripple through the team. Name that impact clearly: “When you dismiss junior team members’ contributions in meetings, it shuts down their participation and affects team morale.”
Persistent employee behaviour issues that go unaddressed signal to the rest of the team that poor conduct has no consequences which quietly erodes your credibility as a leader. Set clear expectations and consequences. How to address difficult employees should always include a defined path forward and an honest statement of what happens if the behavior doesn’t change.
Read More: What Is Effective Communication?
Compensation Conversations
The problem with discussions regarding compensation is that it pertains to individual compensation, which is highly tied to personal dignity and professional dignity as perceived by the organization.
Be informed on the context prior to engaging in the discussion, such as the employee’s placement on the compensation ladder and reasons why he/she should receive an increase or not, along with other perks that may affect the situation. Anticipate the negative reaction and speak the truth without apologizing for organizational policies.
While planning on how to discuss the issue regarding pay with an employee, the best piece of advice is simple: say it straight and give him/her some time to digest it. Once the silence falls, you will feel the need to justify yourself, and this is not necessary. Say your case and then give him/her the opportunity to speak.
Letting Someone Go
The discussion about termination is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult for every manager. The objective is to communicate the message, but also to do so in a dignified, professional, and humane manner.
Be brief and to the point. Preparing for a termination conversation by engaging in small talk extends anxiety for all concerned. To end the conversation clearly: “This is not an easy conversation, but I want to be straightforward: This is your last day with the company today.”
Make sure logistics are in place. Once the word gets out that they’re being fired, their attention turns to practical matters, such as when they’ll get their last paycheck, severance, benefits, company equipment, and who’ll know. Know how to answer all of them succinctly.
Be sensitive to the feelings, but be strong. The decision has been taken – debating and over-explaining will only cause further confusion and prolong the employee’s suffering.
5 Mistakes to Avoid in Difficult Conversations with Employees
- Delaying the conversation. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, and the more damage accumulates. Act early.
- Being vague to avoid discomfort. Softening a message so much that it loses meaning is a disservice to the employee and doesn’t drive change.
- Making it personal. Focus on behaviors and outcomes, not character or personality.
- Skipping the follow-up. A conversation without accountability and a scheduled check-in is just an uncomfortable moment, not real leadership.
- Promising what you can’t deliver. Don’t offer a raise “next cycle” just to end a tense compensation discussion. Empty promises damage trust more than the original disappointment.
Building a Culture Where Difficult Conversations Happen Naturally
It’s not about improving the ability to have difficult conversations with staff during a crisis any more than it is about teaching people to play tennis.It’s not to get better at having difficult conversations with staff when it matters, but to create a culture where difficult conversations happen every day, and are done respectfully and candidly. This involves making the expectations explicit from the beginning, providing feedback immediately, not waiting for a formal assessment, and being receptive to feedback in the process.
Understanding how to have a difficult conversations with an employees in a constructive way is what separates reactive managers from truly effective leaders. Regular, direct, fair and growth-focused employees performance conversations de-escalate difficult conversations from fear-inducing events to healthy working relationships.
Read More: How to Handle Conversations when stakes are high?
Conclusion
A leader does not necessarily involve engaging in hard conversations with workers. As a leader, engaging in hard conversations with employees does not necessarily pose as an obstacle, it could be a chance. By addressing the issue of poor performance, bad attitudes, or any other challenging circumstances in your organization with honesty and empathy, you create the level of trust that is needed for highly productive teams.
The best managers do not shun conflicts, but those who take charge of such problems from the onset and handle them with professionalism until resolution. Whether you have to initiate hard conversations with employees regarding their performance, learn how to initiate hard conversations with resistant employees on changes, or simply handle employee behavior issues, all it takes is preparedness, clarity, listening, and follow-ups.
Engaging in hard conversations with employees cannot be easy. However, with the right strategy, these conversations turn from being an ordeal to an effective tool at your disposal as a leader.
FAQs
It is vital not to explain everything to the worker; however, it is necessary to tell the worker that you want to have an important discussion with him/her. It will lessen the element of surprise for the worker: “Let's just talk about this this week, not something I am so scared about.”
Do not make a generalization, only give statements based on actual instances of observed behaviors. Nothing can ever be disregarded because nothing is without basis. It is true that they mean well, but still you should let them know what they are doing to the group.
However, when you have already held numerous performance discussions with this employee, provided your support and assistance, set a deadline for him/her and yet no progress is evident, then it may be a case where he/she is simply not a right fit. When there has been a talk with the child beforehand, there shouldn’t be anything surprising about the move.
